The "List"

So it took me 15 years......but I FINALLY devoted 3 hours tonight to watch Schindler's List all alone in a completely silent house. I was able to completely release myself into the movie and I can't explain how moved I was by the time those 3 precious hours had come to an end.

I kept rehashing moments captured while reading "Night" by Elie Wiesel (a holocaust survivor and a MUST READ book for everyone) along with visiting the Dachau concentration camp while visiting Germany. I'm still unable to comprehend how any part of the human race can kill 6 million men, women and children.

The movie brought back memories of my visit to Dachau. I remember walking through the museum, seeing huge rooms full of human hair that had been shaved off prior to the people being gassed. The biggest impact, was looking through glass at a room full of shoes forced off those also heading to the gas chamber and incinerator........and I distinctly remember the pile of children's shoes......many the size of baby booties. It amazed me how something I saw so many years ago, can affect me so differently now.

I feel foolish saying I understand the fear and helplessness in the women who were naked, clutching on to their cold, scared, hungry and naked children as they were being herded into these death rooms. I can only imagine the courage they harvested to try and comfort their young ones.

There's no words to truly describe it.......even the greatest authors can admit to that. And I'm not sure visiting the concentration camps do it much justice either. But what I feel it's done for me, is made me realize that no matter how hard I try to understand.....I NEVER will. It will NEVER make sense and unfortunately, NOTHING can be done to reverse the horror those people faced.

Perhaps my feeble attempts of trying to get a glimpse of their short lives here on earth will somehow show respect in way they lived and died. It's easier to turn my head and pretend this never happened............but it did, and they deserve to be heard even in death.

Yes I'll enjoy breakfast with my girls even more, and look forward to our leisurely walks around the neighborhood, and hopefully show much more patience when they push me to my limits some days, and not flinch or sigh when they keep me up all night because they don't feel good and just need that extra snuggle. These moments I will cherish even more..........if anything, out of respect for those that were stripped from these pleasures.