I massaged my WHAT???

Got your interest huh?

Well, I learned today with a little flexibility (and A LOT of heat) - you can massage not only your ascending and descending BUT.....your transverse colon as well!!!! Read on my fellow friends for all the juicy details.

Let me first start off by saying......there are 2 things I absolutely HATE in this world:

1. SNAKES
2. Intense Heat


So I know I'm rather gullible, somewhat naive and easily talked into anything....but I never expected my good friends Mishelle and Jayne to actually take advantage of that!!! Not only are we friends, but we work together for goodness sake. HOW DARE YOU!!!

I get a call in my office today from Mishelle asking if I'll be able to join her and Jayne for this new Yoga class they've been wanting to take. She gives the infamous "I e-mailed you the details". Well, it would help if I had a spare 2 seconds at work to actually READ my e-mail. So, I just pulled a trusting friend moment and said when/where and I'll be there.

I mean seriously, doing anything with 2 good friends is BOUND to be fun!!

BAD MOVE!!!

As I pulled into the parking lot.......I read Bikram Yoga. For about 1 mili of a second, I wondered who is Bikram? He/She must be from a different country. When what I SHOULD have been asking myself is WHAT is Bikram.

After changing and getting my mat - I meet Jayne and Mishelle on a little bench outside the room. When a lady stepped out of the room I say outloud - "wow....it's hot in there".

This is the moment Jayne and Mishelle thought it would be a GREAT time to indulge the fact that Bikram Yoga is actually a style of yoga........all done under intense heat. 1 1/2 hour of crazy postures in a pizza oven. Doesn't that sound FUN!!!!

So we started our class. All I could think about was that Yoga episode from Sex and the City - at least that giggle got me through. Not even 5 minutes into it and I was DRIPPING with sweat. From every pore/oraphace of my body - massive amounts of sweat.

WOW - I was NOT expecting that!

At one point on my mat (on the thin line of passing out) - we were doing this leg stretch.....sorry, I don't know all the "yoga vocabulary" so leg stretch is going to have to do. We started with our right leg........focusing on breathing and really trying to relax, when the instructor said in his soothe, sultry voice - "As you go deeper in your stretch, you're really massaging your ascending colon".

WHAT??????

For a minute there I thought I truly had officially passed out.

I was hoping it was a fluke, something I had just mis-heard. But then came the left leg - and sure enough..........massaging of the descending colon.

Put both legs together and WHAMO - transverse colon baby!!!

But putting aside all the colon massaging, uncontrollable boob sweat, room full of hot and smelly BO, groaning, grunting, the occasional "oops" farts by mystery people, and very large and sweaty men - I feel so great!!!

I'm going to give this thing a months chance and go from there. I was wondering why the guy at the desk was so eager to get my monthly payment BEFORE the class.....hmmm.....

I'm not letting you down Jayne and Mishelle........you got me into this thing (did I Thank You again by the way?) and I can't wait to get the chance to re-pay the favor!!!! ;-)

Good thing a snake didn't slither across that room or my heart would have FOR SURE popped out of my chest.